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Friday, February 24, 2017

When Rip-Off Cavegirls Ruled The Earth

Creatures The World Forgot (1971) Is Just That

The saints deliver us from cave pics that stunk up cinemas from success of One Million Years B.C in 1966. Here was a near-last of them that didn't even have dinosaurs! That's like not putting chocolate in a Hershey Bar. I watched this for a first time on Sony HD because (1) it's a Hammer till now unseen, and (2) High-Def, which has brought me to alter of many I'd otherwise skip for balance of life. So how does one justify 92 minutes spent with cave-folk? You could say curiosity, but that dissipates by a reel's finish; from there it's a duty sit and a lugubrious one. Pre-history stuff was a closest talkies came to renewing silents. Did folks realize they were watching movies pretty much like Grandpop did? Then there's speculation over whether or not the print you're seeing is complete. Was nudity Euros got denied to us? There's forum dwellers aplenty who will tell you yes. As to whether that matters, well, yes, it's the only thing that does in pix so leaden. Maybe I'm harsh; as cave dramas go, Creatures The World Forgot could be worse, even as fans declare any of others to be better. There's no secret that whatever principal girl was cast would sell them, in this case Julie Ege, who comes in late (Creatures a multi-generational saga, like Cavalcade in fur tatters). Ege misses primitive look we expect --- probably the best at that was Martine Beswick of Prehistoric Women, the only actress I'm aware of that rock-dwelled on two occasions (Women plus One Million Years B.C.). Just imagine hope ingĂ©nues hung on being a next Raquel Welch (see above lure from Hammer) --- immortality borne upon the wings of a Pterodactyl.


Blogger FrankM said...

Rip off is right! Our local audience never forgave Hammer for keeping them waiting ninety minutes for creatures that never turned up. Julie Ege was nice but no substitute for a good dinosaur!

10:01 AM  
Blogger Reg Hartt said...

I love ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. but there is one moment that had the audience howling with laughter when I first saw it in a theater. That was at the start when a hairy caveman fallen off a cliff is shown hanging by one hand. What was so funny? His armpit was shaved.

3:50 PM  
Blogger Phil Smoot said...

I could never get through more than 5 minutes of Creatures the World Forgot nor Prehistoric Women.

Until watching the new Kino Blu-ray this week, I have not seen One Million Years B.C. since its original theatrical release,
and I still think it is (by far) the weakest movie that contains the name Ray Harryhausen.

I did see the new Blu-ray of "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth" last week,
and it looks great and the only one of these prehistoric pieces of nonsense that I can actually enjoy.

So, historically speaking, did Cave Women not grow leg and armpit hair, or was the Lady Gillette developed prior to language?

When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth must be Hammer Films prequel to One Million Years B.C.,
as both the Moon formed during When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth and no Cave Woman wore makeup like all that pancake stuff attempting to flatten the beautifully sculptured face Raquel Welch.

6:21 PM  
Blogger DBenson said...

Finally picked up a used copy of "One Million Years B.C." today -- the one Harryhausen I don't have. Always thought it non-canonical, perhaps because it's the only Harryhausen film where he's the second thing mentioned. In fact, you have to go deep into the back cover blurb to find his name. Never part of the Harryhausen sets either; guess it's an ownership thing.

Got "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth" years ago, paired with "Moon Zero Two" on a Best Buy Exclusive. It turned out to be the European version, with some prehistoric nudity. Best Buy quickly pulled it from the shelves, offered public apologies and reissued the disc sans naughty bits. I never got around to trading in for that version.

Oddly, I don't remember watching caveman flicks in my youth. A fair number of movies where prehistoric beasts turn up in the modern world, and maybe some jungle girls who'd pass for a cave girls, but no cavemen. I was more intrigued by what eventually was dubbed steampunk: Real and imitation Jules Verne, from the A pictures (Disney's "20,000 Leagues" and Fox's "Journey to the Center of the Earth") on down (the sadly misfired "From the Earth to the Moon", the more enjoyably cheesy "Master of the World").

3:37 AM  
Blogger Reg Hartt said...

It was not Raquel's armpit we saw but that of the ultra hairy cave man chasing her. That is what made the shot all the more ridiculous.

10:19 AM  
Blogger rnigma said...

Perhaps Harryhausen wasn't featured highly in "One Million Years BC" because it wasn't produced by Charlie Schneer? His FX certainly beat the lizards and gila monsters with glued-on fins in the 1940 original "One Million BC."

As for Jules Verne pics, there was also the bloated but fun "Around the World in 80 Days."

Ah yes, "Moon Zero Two," memorably riffed on MST3K. Galaxy Magazine had an ad titled "Bat Durston, Space Marshal" that parodied "space westerns" and assured readers that it was the sort of story that would not be featured in Galaxy. "Moon Zero Two" was Bat Durston writ large.

5:45 PM  
Blogger Phil Smoot said...

As several of you mention Jules Verne, add Ray Harryhausen and you get the 1961 "Mysterious Island" which I love.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Dave K said...

I think ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. was the only Hammer Film I saw first run that wasn't part of a double feature. Unlike Phil Smoot, I could never dismiss it as weak Harryhausen; the allosaurus fight is, technically, one of the most amazing sequences RH ever created.

CREATURES THAT TIME FORGOT was, indeed, one of the all time great what-the-hell-you-got-to-be-kidding movie cheats! The title alone was shameless (what? The world has forgotten snakes? Pigs?) Even the Mario Nascimbene score sounds like drop-the-needle library music, especially when compared to his really interesting work on ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. and the magnificent score for WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH.

Love Jim Danforth's stuff in WHEN DINOSAURS, but it must have galled Harryhausen when that one got an Oscar nod for fx when the Academy had been ignoring RH for years. Danforth's models and character animation are simply wonderful, but the marrying of pre-shot live action footage with the dinosaurs via rear screens and painted masks falls way behind RH's high standards in that one. Still WHEN DINOSAURS was a worthy follow up.

Oh, and I never minded cosmetics on my movie cave women. What period Hollywood movie doesn't cheat with contemporary make-up and hair styles?

11:36 AM  
Blogger Phil Smoot said...

Dave K,
Don't get me wrong, even the "weakest Ray Harryhausen" is still fun, but I do confess that I like my cave women raw.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Lionel Braithwaite said...

Here was a near-last of them that didn't even have dinosaurs!

Good: dinosaurs shouldn't be existing alongside people in these movies anyway, because they never did. That's the way it is in movies like Quest For Fire and Clan Of The Cave Bear, and it should be so in future movies.

1:11 PM  
Blogger stinky fitzwizzle said...

Next you will be telling Stinky that "The Flintstones" is not real.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Lionel Braithwaite said...

I'll give exceptions for the Jurassic Park franchise, since the dinos in that movie series were created by man and were intended to be in an amusement park, but these older movies (for me) stretch credibility. Too bad that nobody followed up on Quest For Fire or Clan Of The Cave Bear stylistically.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Phil Smoot said...

People like to point out that man and dinosaurs never lived together.
Well, man and giant Cyclops and fire breathing dragons never lived together either,
they sure are fun when you put them together in a movie.
Besides, if man and dinosaurs never lived together, how do you explain "King Kong,"
and we all know that's real.

12:46 AM  
Blogger Lionel Braithwaite said...

Phil, stupid bullcrap is still stupid bullcrap, and unless one can explain why something like that could happen satisfactorily, it's just stupid bullcrap that deserves to be called out as stupid bullcrap (think back to what rnigma said about Moon Zero Two being like Bat Durston, Space Marshall and you'll see what I mean.) That's what movies like When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth are like (sadly, I'll have to admit that's what Firefly/Serenity is like, as is Outlaw Star, Bravestarr, and Cowboy Bebop.

As for King Kong that's at least a great concept well thought out; When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth isn't.

2:01 PM  

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